He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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