People with herpes should wear stickers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
