I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
