she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
