I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
