This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
