I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
