You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
