Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
