remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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