I accidentally burped into my bong.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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