i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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