You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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