Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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