I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
