Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need moral support for this bender
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
