it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
