her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
