how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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