So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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