i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
