Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You work out of a Hotel?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
