dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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