just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
