then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
