I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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