Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
