well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
