I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
