I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
