i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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