she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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