So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just had sex on a roof
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
