I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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