wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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