There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
