Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
