went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
