Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
