you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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