Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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