i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
