it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what day is it and did you see me today?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
