She announced her abortion via fbk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
