Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
