sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
