drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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