Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
