I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
