That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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