I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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