he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
